The Hostess

    It has been a week since the hostess officially, in the eyes of the law, became a real woman.  My plan originally involved banging her on the day of her entry into adulthood.  Unfortunately for me at that moment in time, she had taken a bit of a liking to my friend Mike.  Mike is quite a character.  He is my good friend and we have almost nothing in common.  At the time he was only 19, a musician, and possessed a look that can be described best as heroin chic.  On the other hand, I was 27, not a musician, and possessed a look that can be described most accurately as Van Damme in Bloodsport.  The point is that she was more interested in him than myself and as a result, he was the chosen one to christen her on her 18th birthday.  I, being the great friend that I am, congratulated him and was nothing but happy for his recent success.
   It only took a couple of days for Mike to get really bored and he soon informed that I had the green light to try whatever I wanted and that he was no longer interested in her.  I let him know that I had no qualms with scrapping it up a little bit and I would give it another go.  I knew that this time, I would have to be especially diabolical if I were to make things work in my favor.....so I came up with a plan.
    That Friday, I invited the hostess over to my house to "hang out for a bit".  The very first thing that she asked me was, "Is Mike going to be there?"  "Well, of course Mike is going to be there!",I replied enthusiastically.  I lied.  Mike had no plans of being there and knew my real intentions.  What a great friend.  "God forgive me for this," I thought as I walked away from the hostess, excited about what may possibly lay ahead.
    On the way to my house, she made it a point to tell me how crazy she was about Mike. "Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, blah blah blah."  I tried not to listen too hard to her rant because I did not want to be discouraged.  We arrived at my house and I told her that Mike was on his way.   He wasn't.  I decided to discreetly display my higher value by showing her pictures of my travels around the world and all of my action shots that involved me doing something really cool.  I kept pretending to call Mike to see where he was at and began to show signs of disappointment that he was gonna "leave me hanging."  "What's wrong with that guy?"  "Why would he leave US hanging like that?"  "Damn you Mike!".
    My plan slowly started to come into fruition.  After several displays of how awesome I am, she soon became smitten.  Upon realizing that Mike was most probably not going to make it, she moved in closer to me, with her leg basically resting upon mine.  Without any further word, we began making out on my bed.  She felt my boner and got a little scared, I think, because she abruptly stopped and told me that she had to go to the bathroom real quick to brush her hair.  I am not making this up.  She got up to go to the bathroom and I followed her in there because I had to take a piss.  I whipped it out right in front of her and she replied by stating, " Let's take a shower together but you can't fuck me, OK? "  "Of course", I answered.  I knew at that point that it was green light all the way.

    I will not go into detail on everything that happened but it was most definitely a good time.  I am proud that I did not accept no for an answer and that I found a way to get what I wanted.  Although some would consider my actions a little slimy, I would simply reply that I did what I had to do to get what I wanted.  I did not stab Mike in the back so I did not violate the bros vs hoes policy.  I did not make her have sex with me, I just made her want to have sex with me.  For these reasons, I can definitely sleep soundly at night.

Yes, Mike will be here any minute. Ha ha ha ha ha

Are you doing everything you can right now???

     It's 830 at night.  The club doesn't start poppin till about 11.  You have already had about a six pack and plan on having about six more before you even step one foot inside the club.  Gotta pre-game.  Gotta get that liquid courage going.  As time goes on it gets closer to game time and you decide you better start really getting ready for the night.  You reach into the bottom of your clean clothes pile and pull out your money shirt, blue with black stripes, and a barely noticeable grease stain by the collar.  It is a bit on the wrinkled side but you figure things will eventually just iron themselves out.  Not to mention that you have had a little too much to drink and the idea of ironing isn't sitting quite well at the moment.  You decide to bypass the shower and decide to just throw on a little more deodorant and cologne.  Ahh, that should do it.  You look in the mirror and see a total stud looking back.  Your drunk.
     You arrive at the club and realize that your money shirt looks like half the money shirts already in the club.  You catch a slight whiff of yourself.  Is that vodka and onions?  Not sure, I don't remember having onions today.  Oh well, you're too drunk to care.  A girl behind you gives you a look and you give her a look back.  You try to make conversation but begin to realize that everything that is coming out of your mouth is hot garbage.  Your also noticeably drunk.  She notices.  She goes dry.  You finally get inside the club and realize after a few lengthy yawns that the only thing that will save you is another drink.  On the way to the bar, you notice that your shirt stain is quite visible now, underneath the black light.  Your brain has slowed way down from all the alcohol you consumed beforehand.  Liquid courage turns into liquid retardedness.  You make attempts to holler at a couple girls but they all give you the same creepy stare.  You think they smell the onions?   
    The night winds down and you find yourself and your crew at Dennys.  It is 3 in the morning and you have to be to work at 8.  You and your friends are a mess.  The conversation is typical.  "Man, that place was a sausage fest."  "The girls in this town are so lame, I just don't get it."  Wah wah wah.  You look around and notice that Dennys is full of people that are most probably not going to get laid tonight.  You take a few seconds and go deep inside your own head.  Why am I here? Where did I go wrong?  Why am I not balls deep in something nice right now?  Your mind begins to spin as you think of all the things you could've done to at least improve your chances of improving your night and breaking free of the same tired routine.  You get a little angry and disappointed in yourself.  Channel this disappointment into something positive the next time.  Realize that some things in life take a little bit extra and believe that you are capable of getting what you want out of life.  Understand that it is not too late to be different....better.  Now go home, dust yourself off, and get some rest.

Are you doing everything you can right now....?

When I sold cars, my boss often asked me, "Are you doing everything you could right now at this moment to make yourself money?" Since at this point in my life, I hated selling cars, I would often reply with a half assed "no" and pretend to start making phone calls. This question was burned into my brain as a salesman and would quite often be the topic of our Friday morning meetings. The big boss would open the meeting by demanding that we ask ourselves,"Am I doing everything I could possibly be doing right now to make myself some money?"

I actually just remembered this question as I was pondering life the other day and took it upon myself to slightly revamp it for the lifestyle that I am living right now. Now, especially when things aren't quite going my way, I'm going to ask myself, "Am I doing everything I can right now to be a more attractive and interesting person?" I felt it was important to throw the word "attractive" in there because there are many interesting, yet off-putting physical traits such as goiters, sixth digits, and possession of both male and female sex organs. Although fascinating, I do not think that any of these traits will help me achieve the life that I ultimately want to lead.

If what you desire is pussy, then interesting and attractive is what you must be. It is not necessary to be a male model or a billionaire tycoon, but it is important to tie up certain "loose ends" that could be responsible for your lack of success.  There is no excuse for anybody in the United States of America to be rocking a full on unibrow, for example.  Another popular feature that I see all too often is the dreaded feeler hairs that look as if they can help find one's way through a  dark room.  At the risk of sounding metrosexual, I can proudly say that a pair of tweezers and a half-way decent razor have gone quite a long way for me. 

     Being fat is also a huge negative when one is trying to be "all that they can be".  It is important to understand that people make judgements based on initial appearances, especially women.  I have had a very small amount of friends in my lifetime, that, regardless of being fat, have had such top notch game that they were still getting consistently top notch pussy.   I myself would rather have as few obstacles as possible standing in my way when talking to members of the opposite sex.  And yes, your future employer will take attraction into account when hiring you.  This is something that your future employer might not admit, even to themselves, but it is the natural order of things.  Nobody wants to hire an eyesore... fact.

     If you are fat, keep your chins up.  There is hope for you.  Please understand that a little exercise, nutrition, and will-power will go a long way.  I am not trying to be mean but sometimes the truth can be a bit painful to hear.  Some will read this post and be offended and a select few will read this and become motivated.  So far I have covered quite a bit just in the realms of unsightly hair and flab but there is still a ways to go.  Are you doing everything that you could possibly be doing to make yourself a more attractive and interesting person? 

Remove Your Blinders Part 2

I was just staring out the showroom window on some random summer day. The weather was beautiful and there were three separate barbeques going on across the street at the park. The sun was shining without a cloud in the sky and I was stuck making cold calls in the poorly air conditioned confines of the car dealership. Normally, the A/C was top notch, but it was hard for the General Manager to justify keeping his salespeople cool when there were no customers in the showroom.
On that day, at that point in time, it dawned on me that I was miserable. I would like to say that I quit right away, shortly after giving an inspirational "Fuck You" speech to my manager. I would've, but I had a couple appointments lined up for later on that afternoon and bills had to be paid. I did, however, make a visit to Sierra Vista's locally acclaimed community college, a visit that would set in place a series of events that would eventually lead to a higher attainment of spiritual calm and overall life satisfaction. I did not know this at the time, but I had set out on a path in which all wordly pleasures and treasures would soon be placed conveniently within my reach.....

My Morning Motivation

REMOVE YOUR BLINDERS part 1

     When I reached the tender age of 19, I was introduced to the exciting world of automobile sales.  From the inception of my adult being, I was molded (brainwashed) to be quite the exceptional salesman.  I like to say that after eight years of toiling away at the car grind, I earned a PhD from the "School of Hard Knocks".  I was quite vicious and had no qualms about squeezing every last drop I could from a customer, regardless if they were some yuppie prick or a nice old lady.  I did everything short of hold a customer upside down and shake them for whatever change they had in their pockets to add to the already astronomical down payment.  To me, it was never personal, just business.  Cliche, I know.  Besides, if I didn't do it, the guy down the street will.  That was my justification.
     The point of all this is that I made alot of money and even became a used and new car sales manager by the age of 22.  I had a nice house (rented), and a sweet Corvette (72 month financing), and a brand new Suzuki GSXR motorcycle (60 month financing).  I wore the nicest clothing and had a set of diamond earrings that would make Ochocinco proud.
     Unfortunately, something really crucial was missing.  My motorcycle stayed in the garage most of the time while my Corvette was used only to go back and forth to work.  My house was not really my house and I soon began to realize how foolish I looked with those stupid earrings on.  I was working 6 days a week and 12 hours a day.  From Fall to Spring,  I would arrive at the dealership while it was dark and leave the dealership while it was dark.
    I was always way too tired to pursue a girlfriend, much less a fuck buddy.  Hell, I didn't even  have the energy to choke the chicken by the time I got home.  I did manage to squeeze out some relationships and even a few one night stands, but for a young man with almost everything (material), they were too few and far between.  In reality, things were not so great.  I began to slowly realize that I had equated money and material things with happiness and well being.  Something had to change and it did.  To be continued......
   

The Truth Hurts

Your Wife: Honey, does this dress make me look fat?
You: Yes.

or how about...

Your Wife: Honey, do these pants make me look fat?
You: No honey, it's you being fat that makes you look fat?

Both of these are worthy answers when dealing with a wife or girlfriend whose body weight has increased to an unacceptable size.  Now let's entertain a different and far more common scenario.

Your Wife: Honey, do these pants make me look fat?
You: (Gulp)...No honey...you look amazing.......

You sir, have just told a lie.  A lie that will snowball into a life of domestic servitude to a close cousin of Jabba the Hutt.  She now owns a piece of your soul and almost all of your manhood.  She will continue to satisfy her overwhelming hunger for all things greasy.  You will slave away for the remainder of your life, forced to "make love" to her at her bidding.  You will join others in the walk of shame as you meander through the mall with her three feet in tow, praying that nobody recognizes her as your wife.  Worry not, my unfortunate friend, for she will remind you as soon as you get home.....

We've been waiting for you!!!

This doomsday scenario can be avoided.  I understand that you do not want to hurt the feelings of the woman you "love", but a small dose of brutal honesty can and will go a long way.  Your brutal honesty will either encourage her to invest more time and love into her physical appearance, or she will see you for the uncaring asshole that you are, and leave you.  Regardless,  either of these scenarios are far superior to a life of servitude to an ungrateful and disgusting blob

Women are a dime a dozen

During difficult times with the opposite sex, we as men have often been reassured,"Not to worry, girls are a dime a dozen." In fact, the last person that told me that was my beloved grandmother. God bless her.

I doubt very many have actually took a second to think about what this timeless saying actually means. Allow me to break it down for you.

Girls are a dime a dozen. In other words, if females were an item sold at a market or a local grocery store, one would be able to purchase 12 of them for the low cost of a dime. If one were to have only a penny in their pocket, they would at least be able to afford one. As a matter of fact, if there happened to exist a lower form of currency, then one could even expect a little change back.

To put it simply, a member of the opposite sex is worth less than the lowest form of North American currency available. Harsh.

A simple hello....

How many times does this happen to the average joe? Your walking along at your local college, grocery store, petsmart, etc, etc, and you happen to notice a very pretty girl heading in your general direction. Your blood pressure begins to rise slightly and you start to feel flush, a completely natural reaction. As she approaches, you both lock eyes. What's next? Well, that is completely up to you. To glance the other way or simply look down at the floor is a sign of submission.....definitely the beginning of yet another crash and burn scenario. You are displaying fear, hesitation, and self doubt to this beautiful little creature. It should seem only natural for her to submit, due to the natural order of things. Unfortunately, for our society, it appears that we have built up overwhelming amounts of fear in regards to rejection.
Next time this happens, remember that there is nothing real to fear. Make sure that the two of you make eye contact and this time.... DON'T BACK DOWN. Look her in the eyes and offer a simple "hello", or "good morning" or "hey" or whatever happens to feel natural at that point in time. I promise that you just did what over 95% of men would and will never do. A simple hello is a step in the right direction. Who knows where you might end up from there. Play your part in restoring the natural order of things by allowing her to break eye contact with you. Do not worry about whether you are coming off as a creeper or not. If you are even half-way well kept and smiling authentically, you'll do just fine. I promise. Girls like guys with balls. End of story.

Im back

      It's official.  I am back on the scene.  I had a brief stint with blogging awhile ago in the midst of a three week relationship hiatus.  I guess that's a nice way of saying," I broke up with my girlfriend." For some weird reason, I decided to give her another chance.  It is amazing how soon we forget all of the things that we disliked about a relationship and how willing many of us are to go back to that grind. 
     I'm not going back.  Not this time.  Seriously.  When I made that insane decision to go back to the boring and mundane, I deleted my awesome blog, SVdog, because I felt that it might be a tad bit incriminating if she were ever to "stumble" upon it.  In my haste, I even forgot to save my previous posts for a later day. Dumb.  At one point, I even achieved the status of legend, with a whopping 87 readers in one day.  I was well on my way to stardom.
     I hope to shed some light on some of life's great mysteries and help you, the reader, along with myself, on this amazing journey called life.  I am interested in all things interesting.  I have been blessed with the ability to be easily entertained.  I do not like where I live, yet I understand that life can be a test sometimes.  We all have the ability to make the best of any situation or  location.  We can bitch and whine and throw in the towel and just plain give up.  If that's what you would like to do, then be my guest.  As for me, I'm going to make the tiny town of Sierra Vista, AZ my bitch.  Big fish in a small pond is way cooler than small fish in a small pond..................